I like the idea of writing something profound, truly making an impact on someone's life because of something I said. I think that is something that a lot of people desire, for their words, for their life to mean something to someone, anyone. A little piece of me says that I'm not doing that when I blog... Really, what kind of meaning could my words about my simple life have on someone? Then it hit me... The blog isn't necessarily for someone else -- sure, sure... I share it with the world (heck, it's on the internet and that means pretty much anyone in the world could see it). But in reality, I get so much more for myself when I blog. Selfish? Perhaps just a little bit... On the other hand, being open and vulnerable can perhaps give someone else a little something as well.
If one were to talk to the great artists and literary figures, I'm fairly certain they would say they worked hard because they enjoyed it. C.S. Lewis probably enjoyed diving into the world of Narnia (how could you not!?); Jackson Pollock might have told you that he enjoyed his crazy, messy paintings. Do they mean something to someone? Yes, yes, they do.
Honestly, I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this... I guess just that we, as Christians, often shout out loud that we're not supposed to enjoy ourselves -- we're not being true Christians if we aren't constantly sitting in prayer or reading our Bibles. We give into the belief that if we're not in a continual state of "sanctification," that we're not doing what the Lord wants us to do. Often times I sit back after enjoying a good cup of coffee, that I probably shouldn't have purchased; or after I just spent the majority of my weekend watching Top Gear, when I should have been doing homework or I could have been spending time with the Lord... I sit back and think, "I probably shouldn't have done that..." But then again...
There's a balance, obviously. To be honest, I'm really sucking it up... I'm overweight, which tells everyone that I give into my temptations to eat pasta, bread, and too many cookies. I enjoy reading, which tends to lean toward far too many sedentary evenings. And I'm a people person (for the most part) and I find my joy in spending time with others - sometimes to the point of putting off homework and my quiet time. So where is the line? I have really been struggling with this.
Recently I started doing two-a-day workouts to kick start a habit of working out every single day and really get healthy. I decided for 28 days I was going to give up all refined sugar and eating out and complete two workouts every weekday. This did not last long due to The Roommate wanting chocolate and Subway within the first week. I struggled with my desire to eat meals with her and maintaining my fast. The People-Person in me won out and I caved. Does this make me a terrible person? I felt guilty about it and gradually realized that my self control was really the issue here... It can be devastating to relationships (not only with other people, but with the Lord) to give in every single time.
I like to think of myself as great at balancing everything in my life. I am organized, I got this life stuff figured out. But...
I'm really struggling with self control. And that's a harsh reality to realize.
Very good. I especially liked the part about artists enjoying the creative process. So true. Almost to the point of feeling guilty for that enjoyment. But if God gives us these talents and desires, why wouldn't He take pleasure in our enjoyment of them. Much like a father listening to the sound of his child's laughter.
ReplyDeleteNot that this should or will make you feel better, or even that you are looking for that, but I feel the struggle. Isn't it everyone's struggle? What is the life of those people who look like they have it all together really like? It doesn't matter. I only have to answer for mine. Just wanted you to know, I'm on the uphill struggle too! Great blog! Hugs!
ReplyDelete